Cat in Heels

I was never this cool. Neon really tears me apart. It brings mental images of braces, tall fried-out bangs, Aqua Net and my awkward phase. Neon is my reminder of that time in life they make crappy tween shows about, except I was WAY less glamorous. At the same time, neon is Jem , The Misfits (Jem's rival not the real punk band) and Barbie and the Rockers , Cyndi Lauper and everything that was (and probably still is) so much cooler than me.  So far I have avoided the neon revival, fearing that the second I place a piece on my body the gap in my teeth will magically appear, my bathroom will fill with Paul Mitchell and Aqua Net products, my hair will no longer be awesome, and my tits will get smaller. They come in multiple colors The other side of me wants to embrace it and add the neon pieces to my wardrobe, and live out some kind of Barbie and the Rockers fantasy where I look great in everything no matter how asinine it may be, all my friends are equal...

If I was a super hero I would have a rockin' costume. It would probably be something that's a sassy mix of club clothes and jazzersize with a bunch of hardware thrown in for good measure, and of course sequins. And my superhero self would wear a bitchin' pair of heels to fight crime and injustice. After all, good shoes are a staple of super hero costumes. Wonder Woman had knee high red boots, Cat Woman wore black stilettos that were part of her unitard, She-Ra had gold knee high boots, and Jem wore a more sensible pink pump. (It's hard to be multiple people in a day if you can't run a little in your shoes). They all also had their nemesis, and had to battle evil while looking good. You never saw Wonder Woman or Super Girl falling all silly in their shoes, and Jem never tripped while booking it around the music studio to change identities and foil the Misfit's plan. She-Ra never had a hair out of place. Which brings me to my nemesis. The one thing in the ...