Cat in Heels

I hate flip flops. Not with the unbridled, burning hatred that I feel towards Crocks, because I actually own a pair of flip flops, but I still hate them. The pair I own are red sequin and only get worn to the beach and to take the dog out at night. So the barely count as actually owning flip flops. The thing I possibly hate the most about them is that thing between your toe. It’s so damn uncomfortable, like a permanent toe-wedgie. That rubs. Seriously people, why do you wear these for more than 3 minutes at a time to cross the sand? The other day I had my eyes assaulted again by a new form of sandal, and this one takes that whole flip flop, toe-wedgie Gag. thing to a whole new level. Please don’t welcome Wellrox. With four strips, these Birkenstock/flip flops from hell kind of resemble an octopus on your feet. Assuming an octopus is evil, small, ugly, hates everyone it comes in contact with, and punishes them by making them look. These things are a t...

While I was in New Orleans I remarked on how flip flops are the unofficial shoe of the tourist. They were everywhere. From cemeteries to bars, breakfast lunch and dinner, casual and formal, apparently flip flops are the only thing you're supposed to wear. It's the flip flops with dresses that threw me. And I'm not being a nasty bitch here. I mean I am but I'm not. I'm not talking about sandals that happen to have the same style as flip flops, but have some kind of beading or are made of leather. I'm talking about $5, drugstore, unadorned, plastic flip flops. Then there were Crocs. Just kill me. The one good sidewalk in the city, and they leave metal sticking out. The crazy thing about the whole city though was that every store I saw was not only void of flip flops (which means people all bring their own), but void of heels in general. Unless of course it was a stripper store at which point there were heels, but they weren't the kind you wear wa...

Summer is the time of street festivals, outdoor music fests, walks to parks, the beach, farmer's markets, and pretty much everything else that is even vaguely within walking distance (so long as it's not raining). This weekend street festival season started for me with the first of many in my neighborhood. So I rounded together them family, put Thor in his bag (yes, my dog rides around in his own bag) and set out for hot day full of fried, bad for you food, beer, vendors galore, music, more dogs, people and children. The kid's section of the festival was separated so we managed to avoid them pretty well, and instead wandered between grilled sweet corn, some fabulous accessories, dog treats, and music. Finally we grabbed a falafel, found a spot on the curb, and sat down for food, music and people watching, and at that level you get an eyeful. I bet their feet are so gross! Now I know how my dog feels. While Thor was busy begging falafel and drinking spilled beer ou...

Mules are part pump, part clog, part slipper, and all the rage again. Last popular in the 1980's this hybrid heel has managed to sashay back into the fashion limelight and will be popping up all over again soon. Loving these Vivenne Westwood mules with a bow. The mule seems to be the distant, and infinitely more wearable cousin to the chopine. Characterized by its lack of back and high heel, it's a shoe that can either be so wrong, or so right, and it's all in how you wear them. Mules are not meant to be paired with any old thing. Best paired with cropped pants, skirts or dresses, it's the perfect summer shoe. The closed toe version is especially nice if you're between pedicures. Wearing these with pants can work, but a pant tends to hide the open back and the fact that it is a mule, and can create the awkward problem of getting your pant hem pulled under your heel and into your shoe. Mules are hard enough to walk in without pulling your pants into them. ...

This weekend I took my boozing out of the house and went to a bar to celebrate a friend's birthday. I dressed up, donning black and gold stripe heels and an Armani tank with sequin straps. I swear no one who was in the bar that night owns a mirror. There was also a memo that went to half the bar that stated that you no longer have to dress up when you go out and summer is a totally OK time to wear flip flops to the bar and dress like a hobo. And not like cute, "I don't care" totally, casual kind of hobo. More like the "I've been sleeping in this for days, and I kinda stink" hobo. Beer covered shoes The other half of the bar tried to dress up and failed. A note to the girl in the in the polka dot dress: Polka dots are not slimming, and don't wear Iron Fist wedges with eyes on them just because the eyes are circles. That doesn't mean they match your dress. Although they are cute shoes. Apparently the total lack of fashion in that place wa...

Oh wait. I am American. You'll immediately know us in other countries because we're the one in awkwardly large gym shoes, usually white and fluorescent colored, and we pair them with shorts (any color) and a t-shirt emblazoned with the name of the last place we've been. At least that was my experience on my amazing cruise through the Gulf of Mexico and western Carribbean. In Belize, you can spot the American because he's the one with the Washington DC shirt. And then there's the lady wearing the brand new shirt she bought in Costa Maya. It's orange. How subtle. Yes, people dress obnxious, but it was the "logical" and "comfortable" footwear that never failed to appall me. You'd think flip flops or sandals would be OK for the beach, but apparently Crocs are the new tropical footwear. And please don't forget your socks with any of the afore mentioned shoes. Shrimp in boots No, I didn't wear heels while hiking through the r...

A few years ago I was traveling for work and was stopped because my suitcase came in above the 50 lb max. It was like 51 lbs or something. So the baggage handler asked me to open  it up, take a pair of shoes out and transfer them to my other bag. This would not work, I explained. There were no shoes in the overweight bag, they were all in the second bag. He stared at me slack jawed for a moment and told me to forget about it and put the bags through. Shoes generally aren't portable. They're bulky, don't pack well, and if you have heels like mine, you risk stabbing your luggage or ripping something. Sure, it's a pain, but it's a price to pay for having a pair of shoes for every outfit. Luckily, someone has solved all of our shoe packing problems, and come up with a rollable shoe. Rolleez . Please note the sarcasm. Jury is still out on this one people.  A friend sent them to me and said she's buying them for her bridesmaids so they don't all change i...

It seems that the Fourth of July weekend put every blogger in America on vacation. News, politics, fashion...it was only the people with kids who had anything to blog about, and even then it generally took until Monday for us to see pictures of Suzy and Billy in their red, white and blue waving sparklers at the camera. I did not wear red, white and blue, but there are pictures of me waving sparklers at the camera. Even my shoes were bored this last weekend. I spent the entire time in a pair of platform sandals, previously designated for BBQs and the like, and managed to do very little except eat, sleep, spend some time with the family (including my princess niece, who learned all about purses) and hang out with my dog. So last night it was it was wine and puppy play date with Laura and Axl (you can deduce who is the human and who is the dog), and again, no shoes because Laura hurt her toe when it lost against a door in a fight. Right in time for summer and sandal season. The do...

This weekend I spent some time with my niece. We let her parents go shopping, and I, who have been dubbed "Fairy Godmother" came over to hang out, play with toys, eat, feed the floor, and generally see what kind of trouble can be found. As soon as I walked in she was drawn to my shoes. They were my sequin flip flops (no heels for chasing baby), and she picked them up immediately. I let her play for a while, and then we moved on to playing with a stuffed dog, throwing pizza on the floor, and taking a walk to the park. Then today I got an email from my sister with a photo, "What did you teach her about shoes when you were here?" She's started pulling out all the shoes and playing with them, which apparently only happened since Saturday. And to my own amusement, according to the photo, the ones she keeps playing with are the Clarks . She's already developing higher-end taste. She probably didn't find any sequin covered shoes in there, but I know for a...

Men's shoes are important. I realize that I haven't really talked about them a lot, but I don't have a lot of male readers, and if they want to read about their shoes they can start their own blog. Plus, I don't think most men realize how important shoes can be. Last week my younger sister called me and we were chatting, and got around to talking about this guy she had recently gone out with. When I asked if she was interested she paused. He's a goner. When I asked why (because I'm nosy not because I feel bad for the guy) she let forth with the litany of regular excuses. "He's nice, but there just wasn't a connection, and blah, blah, blah...and I hate to sound shallow, but he wore flip flops." Wait, what? Where? To a bar? On a date? With you? Barf. Now if this date was at a beach, or a park, or not the second date, maybe this would have been OK. Or if he was coming from the beach, or they were getting hot dogs (which she would never...