Sunday, March 16, 2014

Bold Lips and Low Expectations

Right now it's all the rage for brands to team up with celebrities for a special line of something. 

Kristin Cavallari has a deal with Chinese Laundry for heels, Madonna brought Material Girl
Nice lips, but she's hardly the first to do a bold lip.
exclusively to Macy's, the new SJP line is only at Nordstrom, and Gwen Stefani unveiled her GX shoes only through ShoeDazzle

No stranger to the celebrity lines, MAC has recently announced the celebrity face of their new partnership for the next round of limited edition cosmetics. And seriously I couldn't be more disappointed. 

Oh, you thought this was going to be positive and about shoes. Sorry. It's about my second favorite love, cosmetics. Especially MAC, to which I am hopelessly devoted. 

This summer MAC releases a line with songstress, and possible one-hit-wonder, Lorde. 

I'll give you a minute to let that soak in. 

The girl who looks like she's wearing drugstore lipstick that doesn't match her skin is getting a cosmetics line. Even better, it was described by one online rag I read as a "goth" collection, because apparently Lorde is so goth. 

That shit "Royals" song could not possibly be less goth, and purple lipstick and a black dress doesn't make you goth. As someone who lived through the '90s, saw and hated the rise of Hot Topic, and still listens to music that some consider to be "goth" I think I can easily identify that she is not goth. 

Usually I love the MAC collaborations. RuPaul for Viva Glam, makeup effects artist and genius Rick
This is what MAC is capable of. Amazing. 
Baker got a Halloween creature collection in 2013, and Heatherette had a fab collection years ago that I still wish I could find again. Hell, even Betty and Veronica from the Archie Comics had a line with MAC. 

Sure,  Lorde wears MAC (so she claims) and MAC senior makeup artist Amber Dreadon is the one who created the Grammy look for the singer with the purple lips that didn't look like shit on her, so they already have a relationship. But by that rational, I should get a MAC line next. I wear their makeup almost exclusively, have some people who may or may not give a mild fuck about the makeup I wear, and wear as much or more makeup than most drag queens. 

Now if only I could go to the Grammys, Oscars, or anything else that would make people give a crap about who I'm wearing and what's on my face, I'd be set. Hey MAC, call me. I can totally fit a collaboration into my schedule. 

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Hello Lover - SJP Shoes Debut at Nordstrom

"Hello lover."

The Diana pump is a must-have. 
It's perhaps my favorite line ever uttered on Sex in the City, and it was to a pair of shoes. It's the line that summed up one woman's obsession with footwear and that runs through my head every time I see that "oh my god, can't live without them" pair of heels. Which is like every time I go shopping.

Now, Sarah Jessica Parker has channeled her inner Carrie Bradshaw and her own love of shoes, and Nordstrom.
released a line of shoes and handbags, appropriately titled SJP. And, while we all knew this was coming, now they're actually available at

Sarah Jessica Parker made a stop at the Nordstrom across the street from my office on Friday, but due to the fact that I'm 36 weeks pregnant with twins, and haven't seen my feet in over a month (plus the swelling, not being able to walk a block, and so on), I had to skip my chance to meet her and the opportunity to try on the shoes.

No point in trying on shoes when my feet are swollen because of
Carrie comes in colors
babies.

Instead, I'll wait until I am back to buying shoes again before trying any on. At $300 a pair, they're more affordable than Carrie's beloved Manolo's, but still expensive enough that you're going to want to make sure you can wear them for more than a minute. Plus there's more than just one pair that I am already obsessed with.

For starters, there's the Diana pump, which is part of my endless search for the perfect black pump. With it's pointed toe and diagonal strap detail, it may be the perfect black pump for me.

Also on he "I need it" list is the appropriately titled Carrie t-strap pump, and the Tanny ankle strap pump.

For those of you a little less obsessed with pumps than I am, there are also some amazing espadrilles, strappy sandals (don't get them stolen), sensible but stylish sandals, and a really cool lace up bootie by the name of Alison.

As for the opportunity to meet Sarah Jessica Parker and the opportunity to bond over shoes and twins, I guess that will just have to wait.  Hopefully one day she'll come back and I'll be a little more mobile, definitely less pregnant, and maybe I can even take the twins out to meet a style icon.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Falling, Glitter and Yawns - The 2014 Oscars

The Oscars were Sunday and of course everyone was out in their finest clothes and borrowed jewels.

The rest of us just sat at home in our yoga pants eating ice cream and dreaming about the day that we can wear normal clothes and see our feet again. Or just I did that. 

They all get credit for not showing up in yoga pants.
Seriously, props to Olivia Wilde, Kerry Washington and Elsa Pataky (who is carrying twins) all looked amazing with their bump. I also give Elsa credit for even leaving the house with that bump, let alone looking as amazing as she did (in Ellie Saab). I'm not sure when she is due, but I can only imagine it's soon because we're about the same size. 

Really though, the whole night was not only about the dresses, but the shoes, with slits in dresses, heels were on display, and I must admit that I was surprised to see so many platforms. Maybe it's so they didn't have to get their dresses hemmed. I totally pulled that trick at my wedding, but when I got married three years ago platforms were all the rage. Now I think they're going away and zero platform is more acceptable. 

This is not what Dorothy's shoes looked like.
Then there was also the really awkward moment that Whoopi lifted the hem of her bizarre and ill-fitting dress to reveal a pair of striped tights and red glitter heels for the Judy Garland tribute. I've seen Wizard of Oz more than a couple times and not once do I recall Dorothy wearing six inch platforms that were probably made by Pleaser

Now I have no issue with Pleaser heels or glitter, six inch platforms, or anything of the sort. But when you're trying to pay tribute to a classic film that contains the most iconic shoes in the history of cinema, maybe don't pick them up at Lover's Lane on the way to the awards ceremony. Just because they're glitter doesn't mean they're the magical ruby red slippers, or anything even close. 

Then there's Jennifer Lawrence. She looked very nice, and was her bubbly, America's Sweetheart self, and apparently endeared herself to millions of Americans again when she fell again, apparently tripping on the red carpet. 

Please just be drunk. Then this is funny instead of sad.
I get it, we all fall in our shoes, and shit happens, but seriously. Pull it together and learn to walk in your shoes before leaving the house. Once is cute, the second time you just look like kind of an asshole. If this happens again next year we're going to all think that it's on purpose to make yourself appear cute. Or be drunk. Falling is totally acceptable if you're absolutely loaded, and Jennifer Lawrence may be a little more interesting if she gets drunk and acts like kind of a bitch. 

Am I the only one who doesn't believe she's really that nice? Mostly because I don't believe anyone is that nice. 

The rest of the evening was full of amazing shoes, dresses and jewels, and was probably one of the safest, and most boring Oscars ever. When Whoopi's hooker shoes are the most discussed thing on Twitter, then you know it's a dull night. Maybe next year someone will get drink and tell off the host or throw a heel at the front row. That would be a night worth discussing.