Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Fighting with Fashion

Gladiator sandals are still in style, and I am back to traveling for work. This means that I get to see all the fashion atrocities that people across the country (or world depending on the airport terminal) commit, including that of gladiator sandals.

I am quickly coming to the conclusion that you should take a styling class before wearing them.

Last week I sat at Midway Airport in Chicago for an extra two hours while my flight was delayed because of the weather, previously delayed planes, or some kind of star alignment. (You never do know about those things).  In an effort to not think about the fact that I just walked away from my three month old babies for three days, I decided to instead focus on people watching (and talking in one unfortunate case when I got trapped listening to a lady tell me all about her delays and how her adult kids travel).

The conclusion I came to while wandering around the airport (I was looking for a nursery or place to pump, which Midway does not have), was that 1. My boobs were going to start leaking and it’s a good thing I have a sweater to cover that up; and 2. People do not know how to wear gladiator sandals.

Everyone apparently has gladiators this year. It’s the hot sandal for summer. I would think with all of the pictures of the sandals in magazines and online people would figure out how to wear them, but after a day at the airport, I assure you that is not the case.

If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram then you saw a picture of the skinny jeans with the gladiator sandals over them. I would explain why this is a bad thing, but I really feel it just speaks for itself. Loudly.

Then there’s gladiator sandals and capri pants. Capri’s are an iffy pant to begin with, and can cut women off at just the wrong spot (especially if you’re short). Adding a sandal that has buckles halfway up the calf until it meets the bottom of the pant only chops your lower half up more. This same rule can be applied to knee high gladiators and shorts that are any length other than ass-cheek. This also means you need great legs to pull this off, and if they’re really, really long, that helps too.

Curvy girls, just walk away from that one unless your sandals have a lift, you are free of jiggle and somehow do it without looking like a stripper.

Gladiator sandals work well with skirts, most shorts (even ones longer than your ass), and are super comfy for the summer. I had a pair with two ankle straps I wore so much the last few years the straps literally fell apart. Still, I can’t help but think they’re not the ideal sandal to wear to the airport in most cases due to that whole taking your shoes off part. Remember, everyone hates the person who holds up the whole line taking their shoes off or because they forgot to take their laptop out of the bag. Don’t be that person.

Or make sure you buy a pair that have a zipper. Then you don’t have to mess with all those buckles.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

A Totally Imperfect Pitch

For some reason I’m obsessed with peep toe booties, and yet, so picky about the way they look I didn’t own any. Finally I found a pair from Sophia & Lee that I did like.

Black, peep toe with a sling-back (so they don’t look too blocky), lacing and a subtle texture to the shoe. They would look amazing with a pair of cropped cigarette pants, and give a little oomph to a fun summer dress (assuming I ever own such a thing).

They were the first shoes I ordered after I gave birth to the twins and my feet were back to a normal size (although not my previous size). Then it turns out I didn’t leave the house for weeks on end because I had two newborns at home, so they basically sat in my room collecting dust. Then I went back to work.

I love these shoes, but they suck,
The first day I tried them on at work, I was so unstable I actually took them off and wore a different black shoe from my shoe drawer at the office. The heel didn’t look so high I couldn’t walk in it, but that was the problem I was having. But I cut myself a break. Twins did some really, really horrid things to my core muscles. Maybe I just wasn’t ready for that yet.

So I gave it a few weeks (and a bunch of yoga classes), and it was time to revisit the fabulous and perfect booties. Except a second wearing also felt off. After a stroll around the office I came to the conclusion that the problem isn’t me and my still lacking core strength, the problem is the shoe.

A five inch heel and basically no platform created an unwearably steep pitch to the shoe. So much so, than even when standing upright, it felt like I was bending my knees or leaning in some way. All of the weight was straight into the ball of my foot. It’s like I was in dance class again, but the heel was there to try and make me trip.

It was how I imagine Barbie feels all the time with her impossibly pitched feet.

Of course I wore them all day anyway, as if breaking them in will somehow change the construction of the shoe. It didn’t, but at least I can say I tried.