Monday, July 29, 2013

Inappropriate White

White shoes are kind of essential, right?

I mean, I don’t own any, but other people do, and they always look great (or only sometimes). They’re the essential summer work shoe, and are amazing for all those garden parties I don’t go to because none of my friends are that sophisticated (or have gardens) and so I decided that I need to get my first pair of white shoes since Easter when I was 5.

By the way, five-year-olds should not have white shoes, especially in patent leather. I’m pretty sure I somehow had grass stains on those before I even got outside.

After searching and being bored with so many of the white heels I came across, I finally found a pair on ShoeDazzle that looked pretty damn amazing. White snakeskin with gold studs on the top. And they were on sale.

It's only a matter of time until I stab myself while
wearing these. 

After a shipping snafu where the package went to the wrong place, they finally arrived and I busted open the box with dreams of rocking my white heels to the office with that one thing I own that they will go with (and I’m not even sure yet what that is).

Or not.

Somehow I had missed that these heels, are iridescent white (I couldn’t get it to photograph) and the studs across the top turned into spikes on the outer edge of the top of the shoe. And when I say spikes, I mean that you could actually hurt yourself with these.  They are not garden party/afternoon tea appropriate heels. They were so much more badass and gorgeous than I could have imagined white shoes could ever be. They were also so much less work-appropriate than I could have imagined. My conservative work place is not too keen on shoes that can double as weapons.

Unfortunately, my amazing new shoes left me with two problems. 
1) I still don’t have anything to wear with my new white heels.
2) I don’t have white heels to wear to the office.

So the search continues, and maybe my next pick will possibly be a little more garden party and a little less punk rock.

Shop the look: From garden party to punk rock, you can find you perfect white pump here.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Thor's Night Out

My dog, Thor, has a small problem. Aside from the fact that he’s small and thinks he’s big, and the fact that he may or may not be all Chihuahua (that tail is awfully suspect), he also smells like a tortilla.

Yes, I realize that sounds stupid, but it’s true. Thor’s head smells like a tortilla unless he’s freshly
Thor and my shoes. 
bathed, an activity that he absolutely hates.

Lucky for Thor, we were invited to a party, sponsored by Reviver Pet Wipes and PetCo (his favorite place), and benefiting PAWS Chicago at the W Chicago Lakeshore.

So posh for all the pets.

Thor had the chance to pee on trees downtown, rode in an elevator, made friends, barked at a 190 lb Great Dane, tried to get fresh with a Bischon, met celebrity dog Tuna, and rubbed his head on part of a crab cake.

My husband and I chatted with people about blogs, shoes and pets, sipped cocktails, took photo booth pictures with Thor, and made sure he was behaving himself, which he only sometimes was.

We were also super excited to get some Reviver wipes so we can try them out and see if we can make
Thor likes it so much he doesn't care about the wrapper.
our dog smell a little less like a tortilla (or crab cakes). Thor also got an awesome swag bag from PetCo, which included Reviver Wipes for dogs and cats (which are going to his cousins), a PetCo gift card, and turkey jerky, which my husband said was gross but Thor absolutely loved. And really it's Thor's opinion that counts seeing as how it's his treat and all. 

For those of you who want the shoe update to this (because it has nothing to do with shoes), I teetered after Thor all evening in my pink to cream ombre Aldo peep toes. Perfect for being towed by a 12 pound Chihuahua who thinks he’s the king of the world.  

You can see pictures of the event on Cat in Heels Facebook here

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

A Cut Above

Trends come and go, and sometimes there’s that trend that creeps in all slow and quiet, and before long it’s a standard wardrobe staple.

Enter the laser cut detail on shoes.
Sam Edelman sandals get it right.

These delicate designs crept into stores en mass this spring, and have managed to just quietly stick around. There were few declarations of this as a trend, or the “must have” shoe of the summer, but they were there. Now with summer sliding out (yes, it’s almost back to school time), laser cut detail is seamless sliding into fall with nary a whisper.

Kind of like nude shoes just showed up one day and never quite went away.

The great thing about laser cut details is they come on every kind of shoe, and in every style and color imaginable.

If you want a pump, kitten heel, boot, oxford, flat (pointy and ballet)…they’re all available at your fingertips (assuming you shop online as much as I do).

BCBGMaxAzria heels with studs. 
The other interesting thing about the laser cut detail is the fact that everywhere you look it’s different. Sometimes it’s a basic geometric shape (circles and squares people), and other times it’s a more intricate detailing of flowers or vines or pictures.

Some of it depends on how much room there is on the shoe. For example, a boot has more space to carve things into than a flat. Though that’s also pretty common sense, so I can’t believe I just explained that.

My prediction though is that some of the more classic and understated laser cut shapes on heels and such are here to stay.
Ferragamo needs no explanation.
They just continue to bounce around stores, every so often getting a mention on a blog or in a magazine, and being photographed on someone or another. So you may as well give in and buy a pair.

Plus after wearing them all day, you get a cool little design on your feet. 

Click here to shop a collection of heels, sandals, flats and boots with some amazing laser cut designs. 

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Hide Your Eyes

I hate flip flops.

Not with the unbridled, burning hatred that I feel towards Crocks, because I actually own a pair of flip flops, but I still hate them.

The pair I own are red sequin and only get worn to the beach and to take the dog out at night. So the barely count as actually owning flip flops.

The thing I possibly hate the most about them is that thing between your toe. It’s so damn uncomfortable, like a permanent toe-wedgie. That rubs.

Seriously people, why do you wear these for more than 3 minutes at a time to cross the sand?
The other day I had my eyes assaulted again by a new form of sandal, and this one takes that whole flip flop, toe-wedgie
thing to a whole new level.

Please don’t welcome Wellrox.

With four strips, these Birkenstock/flip flops from hell kind of resemble an octopus on your feet. Assuming an octopus is evil, small, ugly, hates everyone it comes in contact with, and punishes them by making them look.

These things are a true horror show.  I hope you didn’t eat recently, because I saw those right after I finished eating lunch and I almost barfed on my keyboard.

Refinery 29 proclaimed that they are giving the Vibram Five Fingers a run for their money in terms of ugly, and while I hate those, at least they have a function. They weird little hobbit-feet are for exercise, running and something about your natural gait.

But what purpose do Wellrox serve? To assault your toes and other people’s eyes? To be wildly uncomfortable? To take flip flops to the next level in absolute ridiculousness? No, they're supposed to be therapeutic. And not as in you need therapy after seeing them.

Whatever it is I hope no one buys them and they go away. They probably give you four blisters between your four little toes, causing maximum discomfort so you can’t wear any shoes. Then you have to walk around barefoot and worry about stepping on rusty things and getting tetanus.

I know they probably do this because they appear to be inherently evil and they’ll do whatever it takes to make your life miserable. Including tricking you into thinking they’re cute and a good idea. Or you can skip the whole therapy idea and just wear regular shoes, because in the end, nothing good will come of these. 

Monday, July 15, 2013

You Try Driving in Platforms

Ever since I was young I've had a thing for fast cars and high heels. I always dreamed of driving a stick shift car in a pair of stiletto heels simply because there's something hot about it
Barbie drives in heels and a bikini without bending her arms. 

As it turns out I don't drive a sports car or a stick shift car (I never learned how), and while I drive in heels all the time, every so often I am reminded how hard it is to drive in platforms. 

Cher Horowitz summed it up in Clueless while driving on the wrong side of the road, "You try driving in platforms."

Yeah Josh, stop being a jackass and give her some credit for driving in platforms. All women should get more credit when it comes to this. 

Because they make you taller you have to move the seat back, making you hold your arms straight out and drive like 1980s Barbie. 
You can't see how high these are, but trust me,
they're like stilts. 

Then there's the fact that you can no longer feel the pedal under your foot. You just have to kind of aim and pray when you move your foot from the gas to brake and back again. You also have to pick your foot up higher than normal or you risk kicking the pedal with your platform. 

It's a hell of a thing to be driving down the highway at 65 mph, and you have to move a giant, platform laden foot to the brake so you can slow down before plowing into the back of a semi that decided to cut you off. 

Some of them are also freakishly heavy. This Saturday I wore a pair out that have a giant platform, and a chunky, metal heel that is encrusted in diamonds, pearls and spikes. 

They're probably about 5 pounds per shoe. Now imagine driving with cement blocks on your feet.

I guess that's for the guys. Ladies, you all know how hard it is to drive in platforms and don't have to imagine anything. So let's all pay tribute to Cher and her words of wisdom. Women aren't bad drivers, we're just wearing crazy ass shoes because we have to look amazing. 

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

The Dark in the Wilderness

Every so often a designer does something so awesome and fantastic, that you are reminded that fashion is not just a way to not be naked. It is art.

We should have more clothes with Muppets on them.
Iris Van Herpen took haute couture to a level rarely seen at the Paris shows recently, and showed an entire collection that was three dimensional and made me think of Cthulhu. The actual theme was nature, and she was showing how wild nature is. I've decided it's so damn wild it actually started to summon bits of Hell.

Let me assure you I mean this in the best way possible and clothing reminding me of literature is a compliment. The fact that it reminds me of H.P. Lovecraft literature is simply a bonus.

One dress even went all Dark Crystal and I'm pretty sure there were the heads of skeksis on it, and it may have been made from feathers, or Muppets. I'm not sure which.

If I could afford couture I would wear the hell out of that dress.

In love!
The shoes for the collection were the clincher though. Obviously Van Herpen knows the importance of a good pair of shoes, because they finished up the clothing with an amazing weirdness. Stopping short of the Alexander McQueen lobster shoe (she interned at McQueen), the chunky boot (for lack of another description) was all tendrils and tentacles, coming all the way back to the creature from the deep.

She again partnered with United Nude's Rem D. Koolhaas for the line of shoes, which are garnering tons of attention, and were created by being printed on a 3-D printer. Most of the shoes Koolhaas makes garner attention though. That's what
Too amazing not to show you.
happens when an architect designs shoes.

That also makes me wonder if they're easy to walk in.

Either way they're amazing, and while some people may think she captured the look and feel of the wilderness with the collection, I appreciate its darker side. Even if it is unintentional.

Monday, July 8, 2013

Fix Your Fat Toes

My husband recently sent me an article from Cracked on "The 6 Most WTF Medical Procedures that Actually Exist."

When I was a kid I wanted to be able to change heads. 
This couldn't possibly be more awesome because Cracked makes me laugh and I am oddly obsessed with plastic surgery. Not for myself (I've never had anything done), but for others.

Seriously, how can there be anything more grotesquely fascinating than Kenny Rogers new face, or the fact that Mombi can now be real with head transplants? Well, there's the apparently rampant problem of toebesity.

That would be fat-toes, which you can have made skinnier. You know, so you don't have fat little toes ruining your good looking shoes.

This condition, which is actually called portmanteau, can be fixed by paying a surgeon to take off bits of bone and skin to make your toes skinnier.

You didn't need that silly bone anyway.

My fat little toes don't need surgery. 
As someone with short, fat little toes, I find this appalling. Not because I think we should all embrace our real selves, (seriously, get whatever surgery you want) but because of all the appallingly dumb surgeries you can possibly get, is this really the one that's going to change your life?

If you're to the point where you're worried about your fat little toes, chances are you've already had too many surgical procedures you're a bona fide surgery addict and need a totally different kind of doctor.

Plus what happens when you have skinny, little monkey, finger toes after surgery? Then how do you
Scathandra's finger toes are great in the futuristic
world of Aeon Flux.
fix that? Saline injections in your toes to fatten them back up so they don't look like fingers? Or do you accept your fate that now you look like Scathandra from Aeon Flux?

Bonus points to readers who actually know who Aeon Flux is (or the previous Return to Oz tribute).

Why can't we just leave our toes alone? As long as they balance out with your feet and fit into shoes, don't worry about toe fatness. Because really, when is the last time a pair of shoes made your feet look fat?

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Footwear for Fireworks

The Fourth of July is the perfect time to show your patriotism and rock the red, white and blue.
Available on Gilt

Unless of course, you’re one of my many readers from another country, at which point this date holds no significance at all except that you can’t reach anyone in the U.S. for business purposes. 

Regardless, it’s a good color combination, and should be worn as much as possible, even if your flag is orange and blue (no idea who that would be) and the 4th is nothing other than Thursday (and drunk American day). 

It’s also a day for BBQs, beer, fireworks (because booze and blowing shit up is an awesome combo) and being outside and hoping it doesn’t rain. All that means is that it’s really, really important to wear semi-sensible shoes that don’t sink into the grass, and that you can move fast enough in to get out of the way of a bottle rocket that mysteriously went sideways instead of up.

My stand by-recommendation for all kinds of summer activities is the classic wedge.

You won’t aerate the lawn with heels, you can dodge the sparks of fireworks, they’re comfy and easy to walk in (usually), look equally awesome with skirts, shorts, capris and pants.

A possibility for 4th footwear
A wide heel is also pretty fabulous for BBQs and a day out. Gilt has an amazing pair of Giuseppe Zanotti heels that fit this. The red with white polka dot heels would be great to complete a great '60s look, or pair seamlessly with a pair of high waisted shorts and cat-eye glasses. 

You then of course have to drink something super American like Pabst Blue Ribbon or Coke in a glass bottle just to complete the picture. 

I have a pair of blue heels with white polka dots that I may or may not be wearing for the 4th. It depends on if I can find them. They also have a stiletto heel, which isn't a problem since I plan on avoiding all grassy areas and stick to eating and drinking on patios and watching fireworks from afar, because running in heels has never really been my thing.