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Showing posts from July, 2013

Inappropriate White

White shoes are kind of essential, right?
I mean, I don’t own any, but other people do, and they always look great (or only sometimes). They’re the essential summer work shoe, and are amazing for all those garden parties I don’t go to because none of my friends are that sophisticated (or have gardens) and so I decided that I need to get my first pair of white shoes since Easter when I was 5.
By the way, five-year-olds should not have white shoes, especially in patent leather. I’m pretty sure I somehow had grass stains on those before I even got outside.
After searching and being bored with so many of the white heels I came across, I finally found a pair on ShoeDazzle that looked pretty damn amazing. White snakeskin with gold studs on the top. And they were on sale.
Sold.
After a shipping snafu where the package went to the wrong place, they finally arrived and I busted open the box with dreams of rocking my white heels to the office with that one thing I own that they will go with (and I’m…

Thor's Night Out

My dog, Thor, has a small problem. Aside from the fact that he’s small and thinks he’s big, and the fact that he may or may not be all Chihuahua (that tail is awfully suspect), he also smells like a tortilla.
Yes, I realize that sounds stupid, but it’s true. Thor’s head smells like a tortilla unless he’s freshly bathed, an activity that he absolutely hates.
Lucky for Thor, we were invited to a party, sponsored by Reviver Pet Wipes and PetCo (his favorite place), and benefiting PAWS Chicago at the W Chicago Lakeshore.
So posh for all the pets.
Thor had the chance to pee on trees downtown, rode in an elevator, made friends, barked at a 190 lb Great Dane, tried to get fresh with a Bischon, met celebrity dog Tuna, and rubbed his head on part of a crab cake.
My husband and I chatted with people about blogs, shoes and pets, sipped cocktails, took photo booth pictures with Thor, and made sure he was behaving himself, which he only sometimes was.
We were also super excited to get some Reviver wipe…

A Cut Above

Trends come and go, and sometimes there’s that trend that creeps in all slow and quiet, and before long it’s a standard wardrobe staple.
Enter the laser cut detail on shoes.
These delicate designs crept into stores en mass this spring, and have managed to just quietly stick around. There were few declarations of this as a trend, or the “must have” shoe of the summer, but they were there. Now with summer sliding out (yes, it’s almost back to school time), laser cut detail is seamless sliding into fall with nary a whisper.
Kind of like nude shoes just showed up one day and never quite went away.
The great thing about laser cut details is they come on every kind of shoe, and in every style and color imaginable.
If you want a pump, kitten heel, boot, oxford, flat (pointy and ballet)…they’re all available at your fingertips (assuming you shop online as much as I do).
The other interesting thing about the laser cut detail is the fact that everywhere you look it’s different. Sometimes it’s a basic…

Hide Your Eyes

I hate flip flops.


Not with the unbridled, burning hatred that I feel towards Crocks, because I actually own a pair of flip flops, but I still hate them.
The pair I own are red sequin and only get worn to the beach and to take the dog out at night. So the barely count as actually owning flip flops.
The thing I possibly hate the most about them is that thing between your toe. It’s so damn uncomfortable, like a permanent toe-wedgie. That rubs.
Seriously people, why do you wear these for more than 3 minutes at a time to cross the sand? The other day I had my eyes assaulted again by a new form of sandal, and this one takes that whole flip flop, toe-wedgie thing to a whole new level.

Please don’t welcome Wellrox.
With four strips, these Birkenstock/flip flops from hell kind of resemble an octopus on your feet. Assuming an octopus is evil, small, ugly, hates everyone it comes in contact with, and punishes them by making them look.
These things are a true horror show.  I hope you didn’t eat …

You Try Driving in Platforms

Ever since I was young I've had a thing for fast cars and high heels. I always dreamed of driving a stick shift car in a pair of stiletto heels simply because there's something hot about it

As it turns out I don't drive a sports car or a stick shift car (I never learned how), and while I drive in heels all the time, every so often I am reminded how hard it is to drive in platforms. 
Cher Horowitz summed it up in Clueless while driving on the wrong side of the road, "You try driving in platforms."
Yeah Josh, stop being a jackass and give her some credit for driving in platforms. All women should get more credit when it comes to this. 
Because they make you taller you have to move the seat back, making you hold your arms straight out and drive like 1980s Barbie. 
Then there's the fact that you can no longer feel the pedal under your foot. You just have to kind of aim and pray when you move your foot from the gas to brake and back again. You also have to pick yo…

The Dark in the Wilderness

Every so often a designer does something so awesome and fantastic, that you are reminded that fashion is not just a way to not be naked. It is art.

Iris Van Herpen took haute couture to a level rarely seen at the Paris shows recently, and showed an entire collection that was three dimensional and made me think of Cthulhu. The actual theme was nature, and she was showing how wild nature is. I've decided it's so damn wild it actually started to summon bits of Hell.

Let me assure you I mean this in the best way possible and clothing reminding me of literature is a compliment. The fact that it reminds me of H.P. Lovecraft literature is simply a bonus.

One dress even went all Dark Crystal and I'm pretty sure there were the heads of skeksis on it, and it may have been made from feathers, or Muppets. I'm not sure which.

If I could afford couture I would wear the hell out of that dress.

The shoes for the collection were the clincher though. Obviously Van Herpen knows the import…

Fix Your Fat Toes

My husband recently sent me an article from Cracked on "The 6 Most WTF Medical Procedures that Actually Exist."

This couldn't possibly be more awesome because Cracked makes me laugh and I am oddly obsessed with plastic surgery. Not for myself (I've never had anything done), but for others.

Seriously, how can there be anything more grotesquely fascinating than Kenny Rogers new face, or the fact that Mombi can now be real with head transplants? Well, there's the apparently rampant problem of toebesity.

That would be fat-toes, which you can have made skinnier. You know, so you don't have fat little toes ruining your good looking shoes.

This condition, which is actually called portmanteau, can be fixed by paying a surgeon to take off bits of bone and skin to make your toes skinnier.

You didn't need that silly bone anyway.

As someone with short, fat little toes, I find this appalling. Not because I think we should all embrace our real selves, (seriously, get w…

Footwear for Fireworks

The Fourth of July is the perfect time to show your patriotism and rock the red, white and blue.
Unless of course, you’re one of my many readers from another country, at which point this date holds no significance at all except that you can’t reach anyone in the U.S. for business purposes. 
Regardless, it’s a good color combination, and should be worn as much as possible, even if your flag is orange and blue (no idea who that would be) and the 4th is nothing other than Thursday (and drunk American day). 
It’s also a day for BBQs, beer, fireworks (because booze and blowing shit up is an awesome combo) and being outside and hoping it doesn’t rain. All that means is that it’s really, really important to wear semi-sensible shoes that don’t sink into the grass, and that you can move fast enough in to get out of the way of a bottle rocket that mysteriously went sideways instead of up.
My stand by-recommendation for all kinds of summer activities is the classic wedge.
You won’t aerate the l…