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Showing posts from August, 2013

Chunky Shoes. No Pants

Much ado has been made of Miley Cyrus twerking all over Robin Thicke and being all provocative, wearing latex underpants, how her butt is flat, whether she has an eating disorder or not, and all kinds of other crazy nonsense.
I would like to get past her Night at the Roxbury moment to Blurred Lines, ignore her lousy song and lack of dancing, that weird furry themed number, and her attempt to shock people, and instead focus on her shoes.
The girl paired creepers with latex.
I have nothing against creepers or latex. They both have their time and place, and can look great if worn appropriately. But not together. In fact, I’m pretty sure the entire latex wearing fetish community all gasped and clutched their pearls when they saw her ill-fitting bikini thing (and that color) and creepers.
Let me tell you what’s not sexy. Dancing around in a pair of big, clunky shoes and no pants.
Creepers are great when paired with jeans. If you’re going Rockabilly, then that is your go-to shoe. Men and women …

Please Leave the '90s in the Past

The '90s are apparently now vintage and cool and have come back in a way to make me feel old and wonder if I'm vintage too. It also makes me wonder just who the hell thought this was a good idea.

Sure, I was awesome in the '90s with my goth attire, knee high combat-style boots (that had a heel), music store job (that paid for shit but was all Empire Records), and all my money went to hanging out with friends and buying new clothes and shoes (and the aforementioned CDs). But let's not forget that while I was awesome, the '90s is also what brought us body glitter, Spice World, that horrid shiny lame fabric in bizarre colors, and the Backstreet Boys. 
If you loved the Backstreet Boys and wore body glitter I'm pretty sure we hung out in very different crowds. 
The '90s also brought us a massive void in good shoes. For some reason the classic pump went off and retired to a beach somewhere for a decade, and we were stuck with chunky heeled dress shoes of the wors…

Blurred Lines Bulls*#t

Robin Thicke is so damn hot that when he’s around women’s clothes just fly off.

Or at least that’s what it seems if you watch his extremely NSFW video for the hit song “Blurred Lines” (and a woman at work who saw him live said that's pretty true).

There are two versions of the video (as I’m sure everyone now knows), and while one of them has girls prancing around in white outfits, the second one has them stripped down to their thong panties and prancing around.

I would like to call bullshit and have a word with the video’s stylist.

First, clothes or no clothes, the shoes these women are wearing are atrocious. They’re all channeling Baby Spice and the laste ‘90s with chunky platform gym shoes that were a bad idea back then. They’re also a really, really bad idea when you’re naked.

If you’re going to wear shoes with lingerie, please make sure it’s a pair of stilettos. (Seriously, why am I explaining this?) They don’t have to have platforms or be sky high, just enough to lift your butt, …

Children in Heels

When it comes to kids, especially girls, getting into more adult things like makeup, often people ask “How young is too young?” Now apparently we find ourselves asking that about heels.
Are heels OK for a child to wear?
As soon as this question comes up, people automatically talk about Suri Cruise and her high heeled shoes. I would like to take a moment and point out that Suri isn’t a normal child, and nothing she does, now or ever, should be considered normal. The child of an arguably insane father and a mother who only recently started looking like an adult (seriously she looked 16 until she was like 30), the kid was born into more money than God and will never be “normal.”
Let’s not use Hollywood’s children as a fashion barometer. That’s a really slippery slope.
Regardless of whether or not heels on a child who only recently stopped crapping their pants seems somewhat strange to me. Aside from the whole Toddlers and Tiaras nonsense, do we really need wedges for our first grader? Or how…