Wednesday, July 22, 2015

The Hunt for Little Shoes

This weekend we were getting ready to go out and as I was putting on shoes I noticed that S’s toes were almost to the end of her sandals. And I mean touching the very top inside. And they were hard to buckle.

Apparently the kid’s feet grew overnight and her two month old shoes no longer fit.

Of course I work all week, and Stride Rite is 30 minutes away which puts us straight into bedtime assuming I feed them dinner. That’s a recipe for two kids walking around Stride Rite screaming while trying to crawl under fixtures or just making circles while crying.

Yes, they do strange things when they’re tired.

Of course I need the shoes by Saturday because we have something to do, and I won’t have time in the morning with breakfast and naps and what not, mostly because I want to avoid being that person with two screaming children in a store. Of course there’s the internet, but free shipping is 5 days (i.e. after Saturday) and for some reason I feel like I need to see the shoes if I’m buying them without sizing the girls.

Lucky for me (or not) I work downtown, and while I am no longer on the shopping extravaganza that is the Magnificent Mile, I am walking distance from State Street, which has pretty much all the same affordable things and none of the stuff I can only dream of (Ferragamo, I’m talking about you).

So lunchtime at lunchtime I bolted over to State Street to hit up Nordstrom Rack, hoping for a great deal on something fabulous, which wasn’t going to happen because they don’t carry kids stuff. I had to break myself from the magnetic pull of their massive shoe selection and stay focused. What’s next?

Gap. They have kids shoes, right? Sure, if you want your kid to wear one of two shoe styles that don’t bend and may or may not be made of wood. Next.

TJ Maxx; good plan. I got a compliment on my haircut riding up the escalator. This is a good sign. Big kids section, also a good sign. No kids shoes. WTF? Why does Chicago feel kids don't need shoes? 

I am now running perilously low on time and am answering emails while walking through crowded stores, attempting to not run into slow moving shoppers who are obviously not on a lunch hour.

Down the escalator and into Burlington.  This place is some kind of insane basement warehouse and there are directional signs everywhere. I find the one that says Baby Depot and somehow end up in men’s suits. Back down a small staircase and around a corner I found it, and there they were. Racks and racks of shoes for children.

Of course the sizes I needed was one of the smallest sections, and once you took out white patent leather and anything with a wedge heel (because toddlers don't have enough issues with balance) there were only a few options left. Luckily they were cute and I managed to land a pair of OshKosh glitter shoes and leopard print Keds in the appropriate sizes so each kid now has one size larger shoe. That way when D’s shoes suddenly don’t fit next week she’ll have a pair waiting for her.

Of course when I got home we had dinner, a bath, read a couple books and went to bed, and it wasn’t until later that I realized that all my running around and I didn’t even try the new shoes on the girls. I guess that means we’re waiting until tonight to play dress up.

I also need to find time to go back to Nordstrom Rack and play shoe dress up during lunch and find some new shoes for myself. Mom deserves new shoes too, and there was a pair of gold Jimmy Choo heels that were calling my name.


Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Answering the Endless Questions

I wish had the time to do funny and clever mom things, or the creativity to think of things like arts and crafts. Instead I just write this blog, which I can knock out on my phone while riding home on the train or on my lunch break, and half the time it’s not even about being a mom because I figure that’s going to bore all the people who came to read about whatever else I happen to be discussing.

One Australian woman with twins has become my hero though after a bazillion friends sent me links
This is funny. People need to relax. 
to the article and posted it to my wall. Seriously, if she was in the States we’d be having a glass of wine together right now and telling our kids to stop doing whatever it is they’re currently doing that they shouldn’t be.

As a joke, this hero mom attached some FAQs to her kids in the stroller, presumably so people won’t ask her dumb questions while she’s out. While she never actually took the kids out with the signs, the internet predictably lost their shit because people don't have a sense of humor. Personally, I find everything not only funny but also true, and I would like to copy both signs right now and tape them to my own twins, who would probably immediately start chewing on and/or tearing up said signs.

Some people don’t mind talking about their twins and their conception, and trying to explain high school biology to people regarding that whole fraternal identical thing and the basics of ovulation.

I am not one of those people. I’m busy, frazzled, and when I’m out with my kids I’m trying to enjoy my time with them while keeping in mind that we only have one snack with us and I am basically pushing around two time bombs. Of course if either one begins to cry or fuss while we’re standing in line at Target answering the same set of questions for the 208th time that trip, said stranger asking a billion questions immediately brands her as the “bad twin.” She’s not bad, she's just tired of your bullshit.

There’s a follow up to the signs that should also be published, and that should be the list of stupid  comments people make that elicit eye rolls at best and nasty comments back from me at worst.
They're fighting for control of the elephant.
Of course I take a picture instead of help. 
  • There’s two of them (no shit)
  • Double trouble (I seriously hear this every four feet when we're out)
  • They can’t be twins because they don’t look alike (I have heard this more than once)
  • They can’t be twins because they’re both girls and don’t look alike (The education system has failed us all)
  • Wait here; I’m going to get my daughter so she can see them. (Apparently we’re a sideshow)
  • Better you than me (So many things to say, none of them nice)
  • Oh my god, I’d kill myself (This actually left me dumbfounded and I just walked away)
  • Two babies  - Ugh, I'd end up shaking one of them (What in the ever-loving fuck is wrong with you?)
Yes, all of these things have happened, and while the first few times are fine, time number 6,000 on any of those comments or questions just start to piss you off. So I support the Australian twin mom and her signs answering all the dumb questions. Maybe now people will back off and she can finish her grocery shopping or get ice cream with her kids without people butting in.

Too bad she didn’t take into account people don’t read.