Last night I was giving the girls a bath and we made shampoo mohawks, played with rubber ducks and splashed until they managed to start splashing water outside the tub and were turning into squawking baby prunes. S finally demanded “Up” which is universal for any position other than the one she’s currently in (down, off, out, and sometimes actually up) and we started drying off.
With two babies you can imagine that there’s some kind of madness that goes along with getting them bathed, dried off and diapered.
“Don’t stand in the tub.”
“Don’t run around naked”
“Stop touching the toilet.”
“Please don’t pee.”
“Please get back in the bathroom and don’t pee on the hardwood.”
“Quit playing in the trashcan.”
“Get that out of your mouth.”
“Christ, what is that in your mouth?”
Once everyone is successfully diapered we move along to lotion. Apparently babies can dry out easily, and no one wants a dry baby, so there are scads of baby lotions out there, some of which are better than others. My girls personally prefer ones in bottles that they can hold and preferably put in their mouth, while I prefer ones that are heavy and have a pump because they don’t put it in their mouth and can’t yet work it.
|Baby bath essentials. Oh, and rubber ducks.|
So many freaking ducks.
“It puts the lotion on its skin…”
My kids are going to be so fucked up. Yes, we’re quoting Silence of the Lambs as part of our post-bathtime rituals. Whatever. It’s better than letting her play in the toilet or drink bath water, and she hasn't seen the movie so she has no idea what I'm referencing.
And by the way, I want to slap the person who says that baths calm babies and should be part of a nightly soothing routine. Obviously that person didn't have twins. Or toddlers. Hell, that person may have not even had kids. It was probably a marketing exec at Johnson & Johnson pitching some bullshit about lavender bath soap. But that’s fine because my twins and I have bath time down to something fun. Or at least fun for them. I just get to quote creepy movies and hope they don't repeat it when they start preschool.