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Answering the Endless Questions

I wish had the time to do funny and clever mom things, or the creativity to think of things like arts and crafts. Instead I just write this blog, which I can knock out on my phone while riding home on the train or on my lunch break, and half the time it’s not even about being a mom because I figure that’s going to bore all the people who came to read about whatever else I happen to be discussing.

One Australian woman with twins has become my hero though after a bazillion friends sent me links
This is funny. People need to relax. 
to the article and posted it to my wall. Seriously, if she was in the States we’d be having a glass of wine together right now and telling our kids to stop doing whatever it is they’re currently doing that they shouldn’t be.

As a joke, this hero mom attached some FAQs to her kids in the stroller, presumably so people won’t ask her dumb questions while she’s out. While she never actually took the kids out with the signs, the internet predictably lost their shit because people don't have a sense of humor. Personally, I find everything not only funny but also true, and I would like to copy both signs right now and tape them to my own twins, who would probably immediately start chewing on and/or tearing up said signs.

Some people don’t mind talking about their twins and their conception, and trying to explain high school biology to people regarding that whole fraternal identical thing and the basics of ovulation.

I am not one of those people. I’m busy, frazzled, and when I’m out with my kids I’m trying to enjoy my time with them while keeping in mind that we only have one snack with us and I am basically pushing around two time bombs. Of course if either one begins to cry or fuss while we’re standing in line at Target answering the same set of questions for the 208th time that trip, said stranger asking a billion questions immediately brands her as the “bad twin.” She’s not bad, she's just tired of your bullshit.

There’s a follow up to the signs that should also be published, and that should be the list of stupid  comments people make that elicit eye rolls at best and nasty comments back from me at worst.
They're fighting for control of the elephant.
Of course I take a picture instead of help. 
  • There’s two of them (no shit)
  • Double trouble (I seriously hear this every four feet when we're out)
  • They can’t be twins because they don’t look alike (I have heard this more than once)
  • They can’t be twins because they’re both girls and don’t look alike (The education system has failed us all)
  • Wait here; I’m going to get my daughter so she can see them. (Apparently we’re a sideshow)
  • Better you than me (So many things to say, none of them nice)
  • Oh my god, I’d kill myself (This actually left me dumbfounded and I just walked away)
  • Two babies  - Ugh, I'd end up shaking one of them (What in the ever-loving fuck is wrong with you?)
Yes, all of these things have happened, and while the first few times are fine, time number 6,000 on any of those comments or questions just start to piss you off. So I support the Australian twin mom and her signs answering all the dumb questions. Maybe now people will back off and she can finish her grocery shopping or get ice cream with her kids without people butting in.

Too bad she didn’t take into account people don’t read.


Victoria said…
So you're getting a shirt made (for you or them) with all of this on it?
Cat said…
I totally should. Each twin will wear a shirt. I am also going to start carrying around pamphlets about basic reproduction, including how ovulation works.