Monday, March 7, 2016

Western Inspired Makes Me Sick, and other reactions to trends

I’ve always been a little iffy on trends, and since having the twins, I have fallen into the black hole of working motherhood and I don’t know anything anymore.

My younger sister had to explain Snapchat to me last summer. Needless to say, I still don’t have one. I have just accepted that in some ways I am totally, and completely out of touch.

Who What Where always seemed a little more down to earth when it comes to trends, pricing and things like that. I mean, they have a line with Target. It doesn’t get much more consumer friendly than that. So when I saw a recent article about “7 Shoe Styles You Should Definitely Wear in 2016” I took the bait. I don’t want to be totally off trend. I am wearing clothes from last year because I’m convincing myself my body is going to get with the program and loose weight soon. I haven’t bought many shoes because I’m waiting on this amazing wardrobe I’m going to buy my new skinny body…

Jesus, I wish I hadn’t looked.

This isn't a sandal. It's bullshit.
First off, sneakers are not new and different just because Gucci makes them and we all started calling them “Fashion Sneakers.” They’re still just sneakers and Adidas and Converse have been making them for decades.

Mule slides are generally a no. The chunky sandal mules of the ‘70s had a reprise in the ‘90s and went away again. Why do you think that is? It’s cause they’re ugly. Please stop trying to make this happen. Again.

Rope shoes… What the fuck? We are officially running out of ideas if fashioning shoes out of old rope like we’re taking fashion cues from the movie Castaway sounds like a good idea. Also, $800 is too much to spend on rope, even if it is in the shape of a shoe.

Western Inspired needs to stop. I feel nauseous when I look at
I hate these with the fire of 1,000 suns
anything “western inspired.” Seriously, it makes me physically ill. Western mules actually made me barf in my mouth a little. I haven’t been this spontaneously nauseous since I was pregnant.

The next trend I give a big fat maybe to, which is backless heels. I have a pair. They’re not awful. They’re comfy, rather cute and made me realize how badly I need a pedicure from a professional. They’re currently waiting to be worn until I manage to get said pedicure.

Flatforms are another trend that I feel like someone is trying to make happen along with “fetch.” I wish they would go away. It already happened in the ‘90s. I am now having flashbacks. Make it stop.

The last one on the list wasn’t even a trend so much as a heel height. “Low heels” have been around since the invention of heels. There’s always been varying heights of heels and while I personally don’t mind “low” I hate “kitten” unless you’re a little old lady at which point it’s totally cute.

All this bullshit makes me glad I’m not making an effort to be trendy. Maybe I am getting old and therefore out of touch in many capacities. Maybe kids, work, the house and general adulting have taken over my attention to trends; or maybe, I’m just not a slave to fast fashion and have more sense than to wear anything Western inspired.

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