Every morning as I get ready for work the twins come wandering into my bathroom, rubbing the sleep from their eyes and telling me about their crazy dreams. I finish my hair and start doing my makeup and they crowd around me, grabbing at makeup brushes and asking what everything is as I apply each piece.
D: "What's that for?"
Me: "It's foundation so Mommy's skin isn't blotchy."
D: "Oh. You put it on with a cat egg?"
Me: "It's a beauty blender, sweetie. Cats don't lay eggs."
S: "What's that for?"
Me: "It's an eyebrow pencil so Mommy has eyebrows again because she waxed them into oblivion in the '90s."
S: "Oh. Oblivion? Do I have eyebrows?"
Me: "Yes bay, they're right here above your eyes, and they're beautiful so don't ever mess with them even if thin brows come back into style."
And on, and on, with every thing I put on, until I roll up the brushes and put them away and we all brush our teeth.
I should have known that the constant interest in my morning makeup routine would bite me in the ass.
Saturdays are the worst for naps. They generally don't want to because I'm home so it's all happy fun time with Mom. This Saturday was particularly bad and after going upstairs what felt like a million times, S came down and as I looked over I noticed there was something on her face.
The first thing I wondered was what lipstick I left upstairs, because it looked like it was a red color, but I keep all my lipstick in my purse in a gigantic makeup bag. Then I caught a faintly chemical smell and called her over to me.
As she got closer I should see the texture more clearly and saw that smeared across her eyebrows was burgundy nail polish.
"I did my eyebrows."
Ohhhhh fuuuckkkk.....
The worst part is that in order to even get to the nail polish she had to climb up shelves, so there was a lot of effort into this. There would have been less effort to get my actual eyebrow pencil. It also would have been a lot less harrowing to clean up.
I wish I had gotten a picture of the before, but of course I was panicking because there was nail polish by her eyes, and I had to figure out how to get it off without ripping out her eyebrows or getting anything into her eyes. A billion q-tips, some polish remover, a washcloth and some soothing words we got everything mostly cleaned up. We also had a very serious talk about how she cannot ever use my makeup without me.
As we finished washing up before bed and I kissed S goodnight and I reinforced again that she can't use my makeup she grabbed my hand and looked my my recently manicured nails and said "Mommy, can you paint my nails?"
Yes baby. I can. And this time we'll put the polish on your nails and not on your eyebrows.
 |
| About a month earlier at Ulta trying not to touch everything. |
D: "What's that for?"
Me: "It's foundation so Mommy's skin isn't blotchy."
D: "Oh. You put it on with a cat egg?"
Me: "It's a beauty blender, sweetie. Cats don't lay eggs."
S: "What's that for?"
Me: "It's an eyebrow pencil so Mommy has eyebrows again because she waxed them into oblivion in the '90s."
S: "Oh. Oblivion? Do I have eyebrows?"
Me: "Yes bay, they're right here above your eyes, and they're beautiful so don't ever mess with them even if thin brows come back into style."
And on, and on, with every thing I put on, until I roll up the brushes and put them away and we all brush our teeth.
I should have known that the constant interest in my morning makeup routine would bite me in the ass.
Saturdays are the worst for naps. They generally don't want to because I'm home so it's all happy fun time with Mom. This Saturday was particularly bad and after going upstairs what felt like a million times, S came down and as I looked over I noticed there was something on her face.
The first thing I wondered was what lipstick I left upstairs, because it looked like it was a red color, but I keep all my lipstick in my purse in a gigantic makeup bag. Then I caught a faintly chemical smell and called her over to me.
As she got closer I should see the texture more clearly and saw that smeared across her eyebrows was burgundy nail polish.
 |
| Eyebrows still intact but some polish still there. |
"I did my eyebrows."
Ohhhhh fuuuckkkk.....
The worst part is that in order to even get to the nail polish she had to climb up shelves, so there was a lot of effort into this. There would have been less effort to get my actual eyebrow pencil. It also would have been a lot less harrowing to clean up.
I wish I had gotten a picture of the before, but of course I was panicking because there was nail polish by her eyes, and I had to figure out how to get it off without ripping out her eyebrows or getting anything into her eyes. A billion q-tips, some polish remover, a washcloth and some soothing words we got everything mostly cleaned up. We also had a very serious talk about how she cannot ever use my makeup without me.
As we finished washing up before bed and I kissed S goodnight and I reinforced again that she can't use my makeup she grabbed my hand and looked my my recently manicured nails and said "Mommy, can you paint my nails?"
Yes baby. I can. And this time we'll put the polish on your nails and not on your eyebrows.
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