Monday, October 18, 2010

The evils of Paris

Every so often a pair of shoes comes along that is unlike anything you can remember. They're beautiful, with slim lines, random and fabulous embellishments, make your legs look incredible...and yet they're inherently evil.

Enter Paris Hilton.

I should have known a snobby, skinny socialite would design shoes that would cripple me. Her logo even alludes to it, with the whole angle/devil motif.

Paris Hilton Women's Destiny Pump,Black Patent,8.5 M US
Dear Paris Hilton shoes,
I hate you.
After spending all day Saturday looking for the perfect peep toes, I gave in and called a friend to borrow a pair of shoes she had that were just what I was looking for. Black patent leather peep toes, and a bow that matched the bow on my dress perfectly. (Yes, I have black peep toes, but it was the bow that made these).

She had warned me that they were uncomfortable. She wore them to her own shower and cursed them daily for a week afterward. She practically bursts into tears at the mention of these shoes as she remembers the pain they caused.

Really, that's got to be an exaggeration. Right?

My toes were smashed and my feet lost feeling before I even sat down for lunch. The majority of the day was spent sitting and yet my feet screamed like I had spent a night traipsing through the concrete jungle with little to no regard for my feet based on consumption of alcoholic numbing agents. By the time everyone left I was ready to pry the shoes off and throw them into the river that ran along the restaurant.

Normally I can put up with an abnormal amount of pain. And I have been blessed with feet that fit well into almost any shoe. My feet aren't wide, or have a particularly high or low arch. The only notable thing about them is that my toes are small, but not really disproportionately so. Overall, I have pretty normal, average feet that are an average size and can put up with an above average amount of punishment.

Apparently I have met my match...and lost.

I guess at almost $100 a pair, Paris's own line of shoes are too "average" for her pampered feet, so she has no idea what kind of hell she's brought to women everywhere.

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