Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Chunky Shoes. No Pants

Much ado has been made of Miley Cyrus twerking all over Robin Thicke and being all provocative, wearing latex underpants, how her butt is flat, whether she has an eating disorder or not, and all kinds of other crazy nonsense.

I would like to get past her Night at the Roxbury moment to Blurred Lines, ignore her lousy song and
This is all kinds of awkward. 
lack of dancing, that weird furry themed number, and her attempt to shock people, and instead focus on her shoes.

The girl paired creepers with latex.

I have nothing against creepers or latex. They both have their time and place, and can look great if worn appropriately. But not together. In fact, I’m pretty sure the entire latex wearing fetish community all gasped and clutched their pearls when they saw her ill-fitting bikini thing (and that color) and creepers.

Let me tell you what’s not sexy. Dancing around in a pair of big, clunky shoes and no pants.

Creepers are great when paired with jeans. If you’re going Rockabilly, then that is your go-to shoe. Men and women can wear them with ease, and they even have varying levels of platform for those who are looking for a little more lift. Cuff a dark pant for a classic look, or pair them with skinny jeans to update the shoe. But if you’re going to wear latex and dance around trying to be sexy (cause I think that was the point), then for the love of all things holy, put on a pair of heels.

Really, you can't wear big girl shoes?
Maybe it’s a generational thing. Kristen Stewart is known for pairing sneakers with dresses on the red carpet. Apparently all that Twilight money can’t buy class or make her act like an adult or a lady. Lilly Allen is another one who hit the red carpet with sneakers under her couture. Hailee Steinfeld did too, but she’s a child, and it was an after-party, so she gets a pass (and I expect to see her in heels by age 18).

Heels aren’t the only option either.  Some women wear dress flats quite well to red carpet events. And when it comes to dancing, heels aren’t always practical, and there are a variety of dance shoes available that don’t have heels, and don’t look atrocious. Madonna has rocked the hell out of some over the years, and always looks amazing.

Then again, ironically, Madonna usually has on more clothes than Miley did at the VMAs.

Personally I blame her stylist, who really should have either not done that, or steered her in a different direction. Hopefully next time she decides to dance around almost naked with her tongue hanging out she can put on some big girl shoes (it’ll do wonders for her butt) or she can stick with the comfy creepers and just put on some pants.  

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