Monday, September 13, 2010

Bird legs and cement shoes

I'm really glad I don't have bird legs.

Or cankles. I'm not really sure how to spell that, but you know what I mean. When your calf and ankle meld together into one giant, soft, fleshy, undefined mess. Gag.

In reality I don't have amazing legs. They're not bad, they're just legs and they work just fine. They're not really long (or short). My thighs have never been as tight as I want, or as small as I want, and thanks to some freakish German genetics, years and years of dancing (and being in heels constantly), my calves are larger and more defined than some other ladies.

Thankfully though I have never had those under-defined, straight up and down, calf the same size as your thigh, bird legs that currently dominate runways. As I've been watching the new styles rolling out from fashion week I realized that none of the shoes look good on those women because they have no definition to their legs.

This season shoes have gotten chunkier. They're giant clogs and lace up boots, large heels, wedges, and other styles reminiscent of things I owned in the mid to late '90s. And quite frankly, if you have the aforementioned bird legs, they look like shit. 

I feel like having womanly (ie: shapely) legs allows me more fashion choices. Sure it may be difficult to find knee high boots that fit correctly because of the combination of a tiny foot and German man-calves, but at least I can wear any shoe from the dainty to the chunky, and not look like my foot is encased in cement. Unless I manage to get my hands on a pair of McQueen lobster shoes, at which point that look is totally OK.

The ultimate irony (to me) is that these women modeling shoes with their teeny-tiny twig legs, are also like 9 feet tall, so they wear like a size 14 drag queen shoe. So what you really have is something that looks like a styled, scuba flipper on teeny little twigs.

So maybe it's time to pull out my shoes from high school (because I've worn the same size shoe since 5th grade and never throw anything away), and start to rock the lace-up boots, chunky heels, combat and military styled anything, and for other people to wear clogs (because I won't), and rock those shoes like it's 1998, and be happy knowing that this is the one style where my legs look better in pictures than the models.

So go ride a bike, dance, or do something else to keep your legs from atrophying and embrace the shapely curves of calves and thighs. Your shoes will look better. 

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