Monday, April 4, 2011

Cover the crack

This weekend I went on a much needed shopping trip, and of course visited the obligatory shoe stores. I was sad to find that both the Steve Madden and Nine West stores had closed (thank god for the Internet), and I was "only" left with Bakers, Aldo and Nordstrom.

Her feet look smashy.
Nordstrom was wildly uninspiring, Bakers seemed to be having some kind of sizing problem where a 7 was too small and a 7 1/2 was too big (really?), which left Aldo, where a salesgirl (who was not the one helping me) tried her damnedest to sell me on the idea of "toe cleavage."

Salesgirl: "Those are amazing on you."
Me: "I don't like them. The toe is too narrow, there's no platform, and it shoes the cracks of all my toes so my feet look fat."
Salesgirl: "That's the way people are wearing them right now."
Me (still being polite and trying on a different pair): "I prefer to wear my shoes so you can't see the cracks of my toes at the top of the shoe."
Salesgirl: "But really, that's very big this season. It's how everyone is wearing their shoes. You should get those."
Me (now annoyed): "Toe cleavage is like butt crack, it shouldn't be seen unless you're wearing a thong, and even then it's not always attractive. Plus, there are plenty of shoes I like better than these that don't make my feet look fat.

And this is not hot.
My sister, Figgy, was trying to keep a straight face at this point, and was either going to crawl under the bench and die of humiliation, or bust out laughing. Either way, the sales girl who couldn't walk in her shoes got the idea and teetered away to go badger some other customer with her shitty and unsolicited fashion advice.

Interestingly, the topic of toe cleavage was also texted to me in a question last Friday by my hairdresser girlfriend, who had a client who was talking about how it's all the rage.

Maybe it is. Toe crack could be the new black pump for this season. Every shoe that comes out could be cut low enough to show the top crack of each fat little piggy, but I stand firm on my feelings. It makes my feet look fat and I will not participate in stupid, unflattering fads simply because someone with longer, more attractive toes than me can make it look good.

I maintain that toe cleavage is really no more than the shoe equivalent of wearing ill fitting, low rise pants. And you may have some sexy feet, or a nice ass, but no one wants to see it straining and bulging to peek out of anything.

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