Thursday, June 23, 2011

Shoes according to Cosmo

Every woman I know has a love hate relationship with Cosmopolitan. We can’t ignore it, and yet, we love to make fun of it. It makes us feel bad about ourselves, but we still look at it in the grocery aisle.

It’s like a drug. I know that their “business” clothes only work for girls who don’t go to an office, and that the sex tips they offer are the same month after month, and occasionally throw in something awful like, “twist your hand like you’re opening a jar.”

True story. I’ll let you figure out what they were talking about. (Hint: not opening jars).

Then yesterday in my Facebook news feed about people's kids, what someone had for breakfast, how much someone loves their S.O., shoe posts, and various other bullshit there’s an article someone posted from Cosmo; “Women and Shoes: a Love Story.” They of course start with an opening about Cinderella. Because that's not a cliche or anything.

I did not buy these because I can wear them all the time.
So I click on it and read, like I have so many other Cosmo articles, and as I’m reading I can feel my IQ dropping. I actually feel my brain getting mushy and start to care about what they say about why women love shoes. I mean, they put a lot into this. There’s psychological reasons we love shoes say a branding expert and a PhD/editor (no word on what her PhD is in).

Oh, and they’re total horseshit.

According to the “experts” it’s because of dopamine and the fact that we can rationalize buying shoes because we will wear them more than once.

Seriously? I buy the shit out of shoes, and it’s not because I get a high off spending my hard earned money or because I can wear them more than once. In fact sometimes I know I’ll wear them once and buy them anyway. In fact, some of my most expensive shoes are the ones I wear the least because they’re so freaking bizarre and unique they just don’t go with any old thing. Others were just awesome.

Then they said something about sex, which is probably true, but also stupid.

Why do women love shoes? Who gives a shit. I think it’s different for everyone. It’s like why some guys love blonds and others brunettes, tits or ass, skirts or slacks. This is a personal preference, not a psychological condition.

Thanks for continuing your effort to pigeonhole all us women together Cosmo. Without you, we’d probably all be a little bit smarter.

No comments: