Monday, September 12, 2011

Nike saves lives and ruins my eyes

There is really very little I hate more in this world than gym shoes. At least as far as footwear goes, and we all know I have a lot of hate for varying kinds of footwear.

The really unfortunate thing about gym shoes is that they’re actually functional in their hideousness. Yes, they are easier to exercise in than heels, and make kickboxing way less dangerous. Probably everyone owns one pair. Most people own more than one pair.


There’s no reason to buy more than one pair of hideous shoes, even if they are functional. If you have to wear a uniform to work do you buy extras so you can hang out in it later? As if the UPS guy goes home and puts on another pair of brown pants. Probably not. So what’s the obsession with gym shoes? The massive sales of such awful footwear make the fact that the U.S. is obese even more horrifying. That means people are wearing them for fashion.

Jump in your DeLorean, you can now forget how to tie shoes
Spreading even further into fashion, Nike has now brought their ugly-ass designs of fiction into the real world, creating 1,500 of the “Back to the Future II” self-lacing Nikes. They could have made a hoverboard, or sponsored the opening of a CafĂ© ‘80s chain, but no, they had to find the ugliest thing in the whole damn film and create it.

At least they did it all in the name of charity.

The Nike’s are currently selling for over $2,000 a pair on eBay, which is a horrid disaster, but at least it goes to a good cause. Proceeds benefit the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research.

Maybe for their next trick they can create a gym shoe that doesn’t make me not want to work out.

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