Monday, July 15, 2013

You Try Driving in Platforms

Ever since I was young I've had a thing for fast cars and high heels. I always dreamed of driving a stick shift car in a pair of stiletto heels simply because there's something hot about it
Barbie drives in heels and a bikini without bending her arms. 

As it turns out I don't drive a sports car or a stick shift car (I never learned how), and while I drive in heels all the time, every so often I am reminded how hard it is to drive in platforms. 

Cher Horowitz summed it up in Clueless while driving on the wrong side of the road, "You try driving in platforms."

Yeah Josh, stop being a jackass and give her some credit for driving in platforms. All women should get more credit when it comes to this. 

Because they make you taller you have to move the seat back, making you hold your arms straight out and drive like 1980s Barbie. 
You can't see how high these are, but trust me,
they're like stilts. 

Then there's the fact that you can no longer feel the pedal under your foot. You just have to kind of aim and pray when you move your foot from the gas to brake and back again. You also have to pick your foot up higher than normal or you risk kicking the pedal with your platform. 

It's a hell of a thing to be driving down the highway at 65 mph, and you have to move a giant, platform laden foot to the brake so you can slow down before plowing into the back of a semi that decided to cut you off. 

Some of them are also freakishly heavy. This Saturday I wore a pair out that have a giant platform, and a chunky, metal heel that is encrusted in diamonds, pearls and spikes. 

They're probably about 5 pounds per shoe. Now imagine driving with cement blocks on your feet.

I guess that's for the guys. Ladies, you all know how hard it is to drive in platforms and don't have to imagine anything. So let's all pay tribute to Cher and her words of wisdom. Women aren't bad drivers, we're just wearing crazy ass shoes because we have to look amazing. 


2 comments:

Victoria said...

Remember this: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2000/feb/05/jonathanwatts

Cat said...

I did not know about that, but it's amazing! Thanks for the link. It's obvious this is a difficult thing to master.