Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Tailoring the look- a lesson on pants and shoes

Last night I met a friend after work, chatted, ate and drank, then went our separate ways. While I was waiting for the bus, she texted me about a homeless person who apparently recently crapped themselves, and was sitting in her train car.

Classy. Gotta love big cities.

After suggesting she change cars, she followed up with, "Also, blog post on appropriate pant length given your shoes."

Grainy cell phone photo
Not only was she offended by Stinky McPants-Shitter, but she was also appalled by a woman who obviously didn't know how to pair her pant length with the appropriate footwear.

Two grainy camera phone photos followed to show me the offender.

Yep. Pants too short for the shoes. Fashion fail.

I don't have long legs, and I don't wear flats, so this is never really an issue with me. All my pants are too long, and require at least a three inch heel to get them off the floor. Really, that's part of the reason I only wear heels. Because if I didn't then all my pants would drag on the ground and get all gross and torn up, and pick up garbage from the sidewalks of the city (dirt, mud, rats, needles...you never know).

Sure, I could buy short length pants and wear flats, but then I would have to admit to how short I really am, and then I couldn't wear any of my heels.

Why can't I wear heels with ankle length pants?

As exemplified in the photo, because you look like an ass. A fact that my tall, long legged friend who struggles to fit her gazelle-like legs into long length pants, fully understands.

Don't be this guy.
That's not to say you can't wear heels with capri pants, because you can. And you can wear flats with them too, but so long as you're wearing regular pants, make sure that your pant hem touches the top of your shoe.

Ask any tailor, this is how long pants should be. The end. No negotiations. Men, women, children. All pants should touch the top of the shoe. If the pant is dragging all over the ground, go get it hemmed or put on a taller shoe. If it's hanging out at your ankle bone and you can see sock between the shoe and pant while your standing up, buy new pants, go to the tailor. Something!

Sure you can break this fashion rule. Forge your own style and go for the Michael Jackson "Thriller" era floods, but know that everyone will make fun of you, and it's possible some shit-tastic cell phone photo of your disgraced feet and pants will end up on some bitch's blog.

Kinda like that lady. I almost feel bad for her. Almost.

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